How God Helped Me Fight Depression

I might seem to be a positive person nowadays, but don’t be fooled, I’ve had a very long and hard struggle with depression. I’ve walked through intense dark seasons, in some of which I really didn’t think I’d make it out. I still struggle with depression and I know I’m not the only one. However, Jesus has helped me fight depression, and—to this day—I am in a much better place because of him.

I want this same thing for you. I know how hard and immobilizing depression is, and I don’t want it to rule over you like it did me. So I hope my story can encourage you and help you escape the prison of depression.

The Dark Hole of Depression

Every morning I thought to myself “What’s the point?” Even things I longed for, like marriage and parenthood, felt purposeless because one day I will die like everyone else.

I hated myself.

I had two older brothers that were much cooler than me, stronger than me, and better looking than me (of course my poor sense of style didn’t help). Girls—who I liked—told me they had a crush on my brothers. I had to convince my brothers to let me go to youth group with them.

I was the annoying younger brother.

To be fair, I was annoying. I didn’t like who I was, so I kept trying to be like them, which—like everything else—I failed at. I felt terribly insecure, which meant I kept turning to others to find my validation.

Even my closest friends seemed to enjoy hanging out with my older brothers more than they did me.

Because I was insecure, I was annoying to be around. And, because no one wanted to be around me, I felt more insecure, which led to fewer people wanting to hang out with me. This is the vicious downward cycle that’s impossible to escape.

I often considered suicide. There seemed to be no hope and no point in living. I didn’t think anyone would care if I died. But I was wrong. There was one person who wanted me to live.

Liberation

God was that person. I don’t know why he intervened and spoke to me of all people. Perhaps this happened because I genuinely trusted in Christ, confessed my sins, and asked him to come into my life when I was younger. Or, perhaps, it’s because I made sure to read my Bible every morning. Whatever the case may be, I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for my loving creator.

God didn’t shame me into sin, he loved me into liberation.

Every time I contemplated suicide, God stopped me. He didn’t really speak to me, he more so revealed a truth to me. He told me “Philip, I love you, and I have a great plan in life for you. I know it’s hard right now, but trust me, you need to push through this. You don’t want to miss out on what I have in store for you.”

Contrary to popular belief, his voice didn’t sound condemning. He could’ve accurately said, “You are such a selfish brat. Look at all I’ve given you, and you still aren’t happy. No wonder no one wants to be your friend. All you care about is yourself. How could you even consider suicide, don’t you know it’s a terrible sin? You are wretched and pathetic.”

If you hear this voice in your head, trust me. That isn’t God. That’s Satan trying to sound like God to push you further down the pit of despair.

When God spoke to me, I felt loved, cared for, and accepted. He knew my pain because he too was rejected. He came beside me and pointed me back to what he thought of me and what he had in store every time I thought about suicide. God didn’t shame me into sin, he loved me into liberation.

How I Broke Free

This struggle of suicide lasted at least a year. A whole dark, depressing, and difficult year.

The odd thing is that one day in August I woke up and realized I didn’t feel depressed anymore. As I thought back, I recognized I didn’t have a depressing morning in months. What changed to make it go away?

I hit the peak of my depression in late spring. Between then and August it just went away. I didn’t even have to fight it. It just vanished.

What I did over that summer is what I believe broke me free from my bondage to depression.

That summer I worked with a ministry called CEF as one of their Christian Youth In Action teen teachers. Throughout the whole summer, we traveled through Denver to host and teach up to four mini VBS clubs a day. We’d sing worship songs, teach bible lessons, share missionary stories, and play games.

My focus that entire summer was on drawing closer to God and sharing the good news of the gospel with kids. I studied the Bible every day to prepare for the lesson and read up on other missionaries to prepare for the missionary stories.

I believe that as I read my bible more, and focused on following God, God helped me heal by shifting my focus.

Life isn’t about me. My identity doesn’t come from others. My life isn’t pointless.

Instead, I learned that life is about God and being near him. You can’t scrape enough happiness out of life to find joy. Joy only comes when we let God’s presence fill us.

I discovered that my identity comes from God and what he says of me. In order to speak in front of others confidently, I first needed to recognize that their opinion of me didn’t matter. What’s the big deal if someone doesn’t think I’m cool? My God loves me and he’s proud of who he made me to be.

As I shared the gospel, I recognized some things don’t end in death. We have a great commission from God to take part in helping rescue the lost. Now, that’s a life of meaning!

How to Fight Depression

I can’t tell you the number of times I tried to fight depression by focusing on the positive things. However, I can tell you the fruits of my effort amounted to nothing. I might’ve felt a bit better for a little bit, but then the heavy depression always came back.

You can’t break free, nor can you fight depression on your own. The only way to escape is to pursue God. Follow him faithfully, and let him fill you with his joy.

You don’t fight depression, but you can fight against Satan by drawing near to God and speaking his truths over yourself.

Sometimes, I do still feel depressed in the morning, but every time it fades away into nothing as I read the Bible and remind myself of God’s love, his calling for me, and what he thinks of me.

Getting to this point isn’t easy, and that’s why I write this. I’m here. I’d love to help you. Please comment below or email me at philip.wilder.author@gmail.com if you need help or encouragement and want to talk to me directly.

You are not alone.

Join with me, and let’s live wilder.

 

If you need more encouragement in this, please check out my blog 5 Reasons Why You Can Trust God

If you have a hard time believing that God is good, check out my last blog7 Hidden Ways God Is Working In Your Life