Fear is one of the major things that keeps people from going to be missionaries, and it almost stopped me too. Only by God’s grace did I have the strength to carry on. Because I love adventure, I wasn’t too afraid of dying, so my fears weren’t very focused on physical danger. So what made me afraid of going to the Middle East?
Fear #1 Committing to a Full Year
Going to the Middle East the first year was also the first time I left the US. I had no idea what the world was like. What if I reached my location and hated it? Could I last the next year? Or what if it was far harder than I thought and I didn’t have what it took?
All these thoughts swam in my head, but I ultimately had to trust that God would be going with me. If I was going to do what he desired, then I had to trust that he’d also give me the strength to do it. I also had to keep my eyes on eternity and keep a war-like perspective. No matter how hard or scary it might be, God was going to use me to reach lost souls who had never heard the gospel before. How could I let my fears and discomforts when souls were on the line? Looking back, I know for sure God carried me through that time. As hard as it might have been, it was never too hard. And now, just five years after that first trip, my country count is now at 27.
Fear #2 Being Forgotten
I’m the middle of five kids. Even when I lived at home, my siblings often forgot me. What would happen when I left for the Middle East? I knew my siblings would move on in life without me, and I’d just be that sibling who used to be a part of their lives. I was afraid that by going to the Middle East my nieces and nephews might not remember me? Would my younger sisters marry guys I never met?
I feared this because I thought God might call me to the Middle East for 5, 10, or 20 years. Fortunately, God only led me to be there for two years before he called me back closer to home. If I could go back now, I’d tell my younger self to just trust God and not worry about things in the future that I might not even need to worry about.
Fear #3 Physical Discomforts
I was afraid of this my first year, but this fear grew as I prepped to go out for my second year. The first year I knew it would be hard, hot, and uncomfortable, but I didn’t know just how hard it would be. As I prepped to go for the second year, I knew how hard it would be, and I was choosing to step back into it. I’d face the cold winter where the inside of our apartment would get down to 40 degrees consistantly for months. I knew in the summer our apartment would rest at 83 degrees. I also knew I’d be stuck in a concrete city, and always get blasted with cigarette or car smoke. I’d have to walk on disgusting streets and hop over mysterious not-entirely-water streams flowing out of septic and sewer pipes. Hardly any buildings had A/C or heating, so I knew I’d be walking into many sweaty days without relief, and cold days without refuge.
In the end, God reminded me that all these discomforts actually brought me closer to him. The more comforts I had, the less dependent I was on God and the less I cared for eternity. However, when I felt uncomfortable in the Middle East, it made me long for the rest I knew I could find only in God’s presence and in heaven.
Fear #4 Loneliness
This was the biggest reason why I was afraid to go to the Middle East, and this also proved to be my biggest struggle. Growing up with lots of siblings turned me into a serious extrovert. I always had tons of friends growing up who understood me. Going to the Middle East forced me to be best friends with three people I hardly knew. I didn’t know what they liked doing or how our personalities would mix. I didn’t have a best friend at home who I knew I’d keep in regular contact with, nor did I have a girlfriend who’d remember me.
This fear was by far the hardest part of my two years in the Middle East. My new team didn’t crave adventures like I did. They liked trying out new coffee shops and restaurants, both of which I could care less about. I felt trapped, misunderstood, and oftentimes unappreciated. To be honest, I grew pretty insecure. When things ended with a girl I’d grown interested in, I felt totally empty.
Fortunately, despite the hardship, God carried me. I felt him comforting me every time I cried alone in my room. He encouraged me on and gave me just enough friendships to carry me through. My faith grew tenfold during that first year alone.
Conclusion
I don’t know if you have these same fears when you consider going to be a missionary. Whatever your fears may be, or whatever God is calling you to, I hope this post encouraged you. When God calls you to do something, he WILL be with you. He knows your fears and he will provide. He will walk with you through the difficulty and carry you when something overwhelms you. You can trust him. Just follow him and live wilder!
Please comment below or on my facebook or instagram page if you have another question you’d like me to answer.
Fears are scary, so if you are finding that your fears are holding you back, check out my blog post Life Beyond Fear
If you’d like to learn more about my time in the Middle East, check out my last post where I answer the question Why Did You Go to the Middle East?
