It’s hard to pin down the start date of a journey. Does it start when you step out the door? Or is it when the idea first crosses your mind? I don’t know when exactly my journey started as a missionary, but I do know when Al I. ADY was created: 10:55 pm, October 3rd, 2013.
It’s an odd story—as most of my stories seem to be. It was a cool night in Missouri. A peaceful night. The cicadas were buzzing, the stars were shining, and I was climbing. If you know me at all, this wouldn’t be a surprise. I was scaling a giant water tower nearly 200 feet tall. The ladder had no back casing to catch me if I fell; that was the grounds job.
Legal, no. Thrilling, you bet. I was terrified, but that was the point of the expedition. I’m not a crazy thrill seeker, but I do love pushing myself.
I’m not usually in Missouri, and it takes a lot to bring me to such muggy states. In this case, my motivation was a girl. We had just ended things, and I was distraught. I needed to talk to God; so, I started climbing. What better spot to talk to my maker than 200 feet above the ground?
It was during the ascent that Al I. ADY was born. These words came to me “All I am, All for you.” With each rung I ascended, I recited the phrase. It was the beginning of my commitment to God. A transformation of handing over everything that made me who I am, in order to make God’s name known.
On top of the water tower, I realized that nothing other than God could ever satisfy me. Not money, not fame, not friends, not even a wife or kids. I needed Christ in my life. If any of the others came along then I’d gladly accept it, but I needed Christ to be my cornerstone.
Soon after this memorable night, I made a commitment to be single for a year and a half. The purpose of this was to remove the distraction so I could focus on God. He showed up. No more than three months later, I stumbled across a college group that focused on reaching out to the lost. They got me back on track, mentored me, and inspired me to live a life shining Christ’s light wherever I went.
Throughout this whole time, I ended each journal entry with my life mantra: “All I am, All for you.” After half a year, I added another line to it, turning it into “All I am, All I do, All for you.” This was and is my pledge to Christ. That I would use every part of who he made me to be, and everything he led me to do, to make his name known in this lost world. I’m not perfect at this, I never will be; it’s called being human. However, this lifestyle is what I want.
So, how did this phrase turn into Al I. ADY? That I don’t know. I’m sure God had a hand in it. I noticed one day that I abbreviated “All I Am, All I Do, All for You,” to save space on a page in my journal. And Al I. ADY was the result. Yeah, at first I thought it was weird too. A little girly even, but it stuck, so I kept using it.
At first it didn’t feel like me. It still doesn’t, and that’s the point. It isn’t me. I am not Al I. ADY. It’s a pseudonym. Authors often use pseudonyms so that they can go about without having flocks of adoring fans following them around. Authors also use pseudonyms when they write with others so that just one name will go on the manuscript. These are both reasons why Al I. ADY has come into existence.
How could I take all of the credit for something I believe God has had a big hand in? However, I can’t just put God as the author, nor should I. If it weren’t for my Father, none of this would have happened. On the other hand, if I stopped, nothing would happen. Anything I do can’t be done without God, nor can it be done without me: it is a joint effort. This is not to say that I am essential here in this plan God has. God could do it all himself. He could also use someone else. But since I am currently the vessel he is using, the work takes on a special “me-like” flair. I am not Al I. ADY; God is not Al I. ADY; we, together, are Al I. ADY.
Looking back now, I had climbed down from that water tower frustrated that God didn’t show up and speak to me, but he did. He showed up before I asked him to. He gave me 2/3 of my new identity as I first started climbing. I didn’t see it then, but I do now. Now I know that God was there the whole time guiding me down this wonderful path. As he always is.
Update: Obviously I no longer use the name Al I. ADY. Changing my name again was a plot twist for me also. God does some wild things sometimes (and it cost me a solid $40 to print off a whole new round of business cards). If you would like to read why I made this change, check out my blog The Making of Philip Wilder
